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Anxiety

Saturday, 30 May 2015

Heyo,

In this post I just want to write from my heart about what it's like for myself living with anxiety. Maybe some can relate and maybe others won't relate. 
Buuutttt! Either way, I hope that it is some-what informative to some of you. By all means please do not think by reading the following that it's like this for me all of the time, I still go out and enjoy myself and love the people around me and have fun. Most cannot even tell that I have it. 


Where to start? I feel like I have gradually developed anxiety (generalised & social) ever since my first Panic Attack. It started off with worried thoughts as simple as:
 "What if I get a panic attack again?" and I used to always just make sure I took everything easy. 

Then it got worse, I started feeling my heart constantly to check it was beating normally and making sure that I was never alone. Not long after my panic attack I went through a short period where I didn't want to be upstairs alone even to go to the toilet just in case it randomly happened again. 
I started to get more worried about small spaces, like crowds. I have never liked them, but it never used to be a big problem where I felt like I couldn't breathe and that tends to be how it is now. 

I will share you a short story of when I went out for a meal with my parents. We went to a pub/restaurant which I used to enjoy going to, I stepped in and saw how crowded it was and we had to wait a short time for our table so we had some soft drinks at the bar. I literally wanted to get my dad to hold my drink the entire time because I didn't want it until we got to the table where I knew I would be fine sitting down. When I had to hold it for myself I kept thinking... "if I collapse then it's going to go everywhere", (it's silly, right?) but that's how I felt, because of the dizziness, I was so focused on not making a fool of myself. 
I remember just standing there crying...with both my parents wondering why. I felt like at this point that I was going through derealisation, a sense where everything looks dream like.I kept worrying if anyone was staring at me.. and they were. My breathing went funny and I knew I had to get out, quick which isn't easy when it is so overly crowded. Fresh air helped me a lot, I stayed there until my breathing became steady again.

This rarely happens in crowded places, I feel anxious but I usually feel okaish, it isn't massively taking over my life...of course it can't! I love shopping where it can get pretty busy...! This was just one example, but of course anything can trigger panic attacks, some people often feel a sense of anxiety during exams. It is not uncommon at all.



I feel overtime my anxiety has gotten a lot better, but because of the muscle tensions, I soon started developing chest pains which I know is from my anxiety and I got a trapped nerve in my left arm.
 I came home one day from college because I feared horrible 'what if' thoughts would give me a panic attack. I did go to a doctor to have everything checked out and they said I'm healthy and nothing is wrong. Reassurance is always the key.
 I just keep reminding myself now when I get heart flutters or chest pains that it is purely because of my anxiety, nothing terrible is wrong- professional doctors have told me so. 

Recently I have been experiencing yet again ANOTHER anxiety symptom. Tension Headaches.
Again more "what-if" thoughts.

The thing I have realised is, everything I feel along with anxiety is NORMAL.  
However it would be very nice if they could all just go away. Shoo anxiety shooooo



...
Sometimes it all gets a bit too much, I try to not let anxity take over because I am so thankful for each and every day and the amazing people around me. I am trying to accept it now and replacing bad thoughts with positive ones. I also believe in positive vibes, so if you have managed to read this far then just remember to spread kindness everywhere you go, you don't know everyone's story. 



Moral of this is. I am proud that anxiety has been apart of me (and still is partially) 
-It has made me want to start this blog; to keep me happy and busy.
&
-It has made me be more thankful and graceful.

...

If you have anxiety, I know exactly how you are feeling. It isn't nice. But pretend you are holding my hand as I say this "you are fine! Enjoy your life and don't have any regrets."

Thankyou if you did read all of this, I hope it was helpful in some way or the other, remember to always spread love to everyone you meet.

Ciao friends.



1 comment:

  1. Wow this blog has opened my eyes to anxiety. I can see you have put loads of thought and dedication into this blog and i can see it came from your heart and it means alot to you. I just hope people read it and share it so other people can see what anxiety does to someone.

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